For Better or Worse? How ‘Bout as Long as my Feelings Don’t Change

16 Aug

orig. published 6/8/11

I wonder some days if I was born in the wrong decade.  It seems that my faith
in humanity dwindles slowly with each passing day.  I want to have hope, faith
that things don’t seem so bleak and that somewhere out there is a kindred spirit
of sorts that shares my perspective.  This morning, like every morning, on the
way to work I was enjoying my morning commute listening to the Kidd Kraddick in
the Morning show.  I am not one for talk radio, I enjoy listening to music more
than anything else but I really like the kidd kraddick show and this morning I
lucked out to catch “Love Letters to Kelly.”

Now, if you are not familiar with the segment, Love Letters to Kelly is where
listeners write in for advice from one of the DJ’s, Kelly Raspberry.  Kelly and
the other cast answer the questions with some comedy and honesty.  This morning
this question was posed to Kelly;

“Dear Kellie, you are the love

My husband points out everyone’s flaws even though he is no prized pig
himself. The other day, he told me if I ever porked up, he would leave me for a
skinny girl. And he was serious. Right now I have a rocking body, but his
comments scare me. I want to get pregnant but what if I get super fat like Pink
did. She’s put on some pregnancy pounds and good luck getting all that fat off.
I know my husbands a pig for saying these things, but I’m scared of compromising
our marriage by packing on the pounds. Can I get pregnant and still look
attractive? Or should I just point out all of his flaws and extra pounds?”

Not a question that shocks me, I hear about guys saying these things all the
time, what does shock me is the reaction of Kelly and the crew on the show.  It
was almost like they just dismissed it, basically saying that its OK for a man
to feel this way and its OK to express this.  Some of the more shocking quotes
for me were;

“When you get married, which is why I don’t want
to, you get into a binding agreement to stay as close to the person you were
when you get married”

“You can’t expect someone’s feelings to stay the
same for you if you get lazy and gain a hundred pounds”

“It’s all in the way you say it”

“…the men should love me for me but it is what
it is so what are you going to do about it?”

“we have to expect that its not more to

I guess what chafes me about this is that while
I know that this is a specific sub sect of the population, that not all men will
be this way but I feel like it has shaken my faith in humanity that no one
really gets upset about this kind of behavior anymore.  I can remember my mom’s
weight yo-yo’ing up and down throughout the years but my dad’s love and
attraction never changed.  Is it so much to expect to find someone and have a
relationship with someone that is built on more than just physical

They said on the show that the number one thing
on a man’s list is physical attraction but is it so bad to expect a man to love
me for more than just my physical appearance?  Is is so wrong to want “our”
relationship to mean more to you than just the physical attraction and are there
men out there that this is not the case?  I realize that yes you have to be
attracted to the other person but a woman will stay with the man that she loves
no matter how much weight he loses or hair he loses and in a lot of cases if he
loses his job but it seems that man just is the exact opposite and that pulls at
my heart.

It makes me shy away from seeking a man because
I really don’t want to be caught up in that superfical drama.  For better or
worse?  Maybe we should take that out of the wedding vows, it seems like it has
such little meaning anymore.  Maybe I am just to whimsical for my own good but
if love doesn’t last forever then tell me what’s forever for?


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