Like Coming Home

16 Aug

orig. published 11/17/10

How sad am I that I have been at work for all of 3 hours and I can’t seem to
pull my mind away from Breaking Dawn long enough to do any real work.  I had to
force myself to stay up and read as late as I did last night only because at the
time that I normally put the book down was right at the beginning of Book 3 –
Bella, where she wakes up as a Vampire and her reactions and Edwards and
everyone else’s at how calm and in control she is of herself.
The scene that
sticks in my head the most is when they go on the first hunt and how graceful
she was as she glided from the window to the ground and of course Jasper’s
reaction to how controled she is, I just keep reacting the scene in my head and
of course because I know what is going to happen the story keeps rolling through
my mind like it was already a movie.
There is a part coming up that I
remember from the first time that I read it that has always stuck with me some,
where she is explaining to Edward how it really feels to her, how she never
quite fit into the human role but this just feels natural to her.  There is
something about all of the books that really strikes a cord with me because I
can empathise with Bella, I know how she feels because I have felt that way my
entire life, like I was just going through the motions somehow just waiting for
the moment when I would finally fit in and not have to pretend anymore.
Maybe
that is why the books have always been so dear to me, why I am so surprised that
I resisted as long as I did when the phenomena first hit, why I can’t manage to
stop my tears when I am reading the books or even watching the movies
sometimes.  No matter how many times I have read the books its always like the
first time for me, it is almost like coming home, insane as that may sound, I
realize, but its how I feel and I have never felt that way about anything in my
life.

“After eighteen years of mediocrity, I was pretty used to
being average. I realized now that I’d long ago given up any aspirations of
shining at anything. I just did the best with what I had, never quite fitting
into my world. So this was really different. I was amazing now – to them and to
myself. It was like I had been born to be a vampire. The idea made me want to
laugh, but it also made me want to sing. I had found my true place in the world,
the place I fit, the place I shined.”

Bella Cullen, Breaking Dawn,
Chapter 26, p.523

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