Archive | October, 2011

Hey You 99% – Quit Your Whining Already

27 Oct

On the way to work this morning, like every morning I was listening to the Kidd Kraddick show when Kidd began doing a spoof of Kelly and what her views were on the Occupy Wall Street movement.  Now, I have not paid that much attention to this foolishness going on in cities across the country but as I listened to Kidd imitate Kelly this morning I found myself fervently shaking my head in agreement with most of what he was saying.  I realized that I needed to do some more research on this modern-day hippie movement.

I admit when I first really paid attention enough to realize what was going on in New York I found myself agreeing with the protesters.  After all, I am frustrated beyond belief with the government and the position that they have gotten us in.  I usually am good for an idea or two a day on
ways that we could change the status quo but I’ve never been ballsy enough to organize a group of people the way the Occupy movement has.

However, when I visited the movements website I was shocked by their list of “demands.”  Guaranteed living wage regardless of employment!
Across the board debt forgiveness!  Free college education!  What in the hell are these people thinking?  I ran as far away as I could as fast as I could.  I refused to be associated with this group of beatnik riff raff who just expected that everything should just be handed to them without any regards for any moral or social implications.

I am all for peaceful demonstrations, I am for voicing your dislike of the system and for attempts to change what you don’t like, after all that’s what this country is all about but when you get into the outlandish and far-fetched that I draw the line.  I can sympathise with the frustration but expecting not to have to pay for your actions is just absurd to me.

I had planned to blog about the Occupy movement, I started out doing research on it but along the way I discovered that a different movement of people.  I decided that I didn’t want to give any more attention to the Occupy movement but rather I wanted to bring attention to this new movement, the We Are the 53% movement.

The 53% movement, founded by Erick Erickson, a CNN contributor who founded the blog RedState.  He started it with a simple Tumblr account with a picture of himself holding a picture of a sign that read:

“”I work 3 jobs. I have a house I can’t sell. My family insurance costs
are outrageous. But I don’t blame Wall Street. Suck it up you whiners. I am the
53% subsidizing you so you can hang out on Wall Street and complain.”

I quickly joined this group of people, some with jobs, some without, black, white and everything in between, young and old, but all of who pay taxes and struggle to make ends meet but yet don’t bitch about it.  We are the people who pay taxes so that the other 46% can sit in that park and
bang away all day on their drums.  The 53% are a collaborative that believes in hard work and self-reliance.  Co-founder Josh Trevino was quoted as saying,

“Even if you’ve had a difficult time, that this is America, and there is
still value in hard work, and individual self-reliance…times are hard, we are
in the worst economic crisis since Great Depression, but nonetheless, the same
American values are really the way out of it,”

At the end of the day, ultimately, the responsibility is yours and yours alone.  You are the captain of your own destiny and the only way to make it in this crazy world is through hard work and determination.  Sure we all make mistakes, I myself can’t even get a gas card in an attempt to help build my credit; I pay 19.99% interest on a car loan just grateful to find a bank willing to take a chance, I am having to rent to own my bed because I couldn’t afford to buy it out right all of this because I made mistakes when I was younger that I am paying for now.  At the end of the day, it’s no one’s fault but my own and I am the only one who can get me out.

Quit blaming others for your choices!  Quit living off the system and grow up, it’s not as bad as it sounds.

I am the 53% and proud of it.

“SWM ISO No Fat Chicks”

11 Oct

It never fails to amaze me at the shallowness of the human race.  I understand that there needs to be a physical attraction, I get that because there are people out there that reply to my personal ads that I am not attracted to but how can you even attempt to find significant, long-term, supportive love based upon the superficial.

All these people out there claim that they are looking for love and companionship or they are looking for someone to care about them, someone celebrate successes with and to love them even when they fail, someone to be their best friend.  In reality what they are looking for is someone to be arm candy and for sexual gratification.

Pardon me if I sound slightly bitter its just that I get so tired of seeing that dreaded line in every flipping personal ad… no bbw… no fat chicks… hwp…   Just because someone doesn’t fit neatly into this little package doesn’t mean that its wrong.  The old adage “don’t judge a book by its cover” comes to mind.

If you find someone who fits every thing that you say you are looking for but they don’t look exactly like you expected that they would, don’t rule them out just yet, you will never know what you are missing out on by not opening your eyes and really seeing what is standing right in front of you.

Trust

4 Oct

The funny thing is that I KNOW that I am a catch.

Odd isn’t it for someone with such low self esteem, only, I don’t really have a low self esteem.  In my estimation I am pretty cool, a pretty even combination of country and city, dork and “it” girl, soft and strong and I think that any guy would be very lucky to have me by his side.

Believe me, they aren’t hollow words, with very rare exception (and everyone has that rare exception) I feel this way pretty consistantly.  Its been a fairly new confidence b/c believe me, I didn’t always see myself through these eyes.

So what’s the problem?

I’m not really sure.  There is a part of me that is beyond ready to move on and ready to start over and while I am content with how things have progressed in my life in the last year especially there is still something holding me back.

There is a fear.  Its the only way I can describe it really.  An unwillingness to allow myself to feel that way again.  Its like when you are a kid and your mom tells you not to touch something because its hot but you do it anyways.  Some of us learn that first time and we don’t touch it again.  Some of us don’t listen, maybe we are slow, and the next time our mom tells us not to touch because its hot we sill touch it.  Its the ultimate in insanity, always doing the same thing but yet expecting different results.

I’ve stayed stagnant for so long because I wasn’t sure I could trust myself again not to touch the hot pan but maybe its time to look past that.  Only, I’m not so sure how to overcome the crippling fear and trust myself again.

Someone once said,

“The key is to get to know people and
trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them
to be- and when they’re not, we cry.”

Retrospection is a funny bird sometimes.  When I look back I realize that I have been guilty of this very faux pas.  I’ve always had a very trusting nature but in all honesty I don’t know that I ever truly got to know very many people before completely allowing them to hold that honored spot in my heart.  I short changed myself and never even realized it.

So, I think it’s time to start anew, like Bella said in Eclipse (I told you I was the perfect combination of dork)


“I’ve chosen my life –

now I want to start living it.”

The Light Gets Farther Away and I Don’t Know How To Stop It

4 Oct

This was written after a particularly bad night of my depression.  There is no worry of harm, just meant as a way of expressing my feelings and maybe allowing someone else who is suffering with depression to know they are not alone.


Once again the darkness surrounds me, grips me with the strength of a vampire, so strong that I can almost feel the trickles of blood begin where it is digging in.

I gasp in pain and fear.  I know what I am capable of.

I struggle to breath as the as the acid begins to corrode away my shell, the barrier between me and the perception.

All around me is the horrific, evil laughter, taunting me.  In my ear the voice whispers, “come”

But I don’t want to go.  I don’t know how to stop and I don’t want to go.

The light gets farther away and I don’t know how to stop it.

I don’t know how to stop it