Archive | November, 2011

Dear Lord: I Will Praise You In This Storm

15 Nov

Dear Lord,
I heard a song today that touched me. I’ve heard this song probably a thousand times, I think I actually have it on CD or something but, today, it spoke to me.  Specifically, one section of verse that really reached out to me;
“No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm”
Something in my head?  Or was it my heart?  It clicked and I remembered that although I may not have the intimate, romantic relationship that I seek on this earth that I am not alone.  There is someone who loves me no matter how badly I screw up, no matter how lost I may be at whatever moment I am in the day.  There is someone who has never left my side, who has always been there and has carried me more often than not.  There is someone who loves me and cherishes me so much that he knows every tear that I have cried, he knows every hair on my head, he knows every thought in my mind, all the good and bad.  There is someone who would be forever sad if I had ever actually succeeded in any of the thousand ways that I have tried to hurt myself over the years.
I may not have someone in my life that can wrap their arms around me and hold me close, I may not have someone in my life to kiss me and whisper sweet words in my ear but I have someone who loves me infinitely more than any lover ever could.  Lord you of all people know how hard it is and how lonely I have been but I am forever thankful that you are there to catch those tears and are never more than just a prayer away.
Though my heart is torn…I will praise you in this storm.

The Road is Dark

10 Nov

Sometimes it is really easy to forget.  Forget who I really am, forget that I am
special.  Sometimes it’s all too easy to
remember all the hurtful words, remember the blows, remember the bruises and
scars, remember how worthless I was.  Sometimes
it’s easy to slip and fall back into old habits, it’s easy to do what I’ve always
done, but where has it gotten me?

If you had asked me 2 years ago I would have told you that I
was sure I would never feel again, sure that I would never let myself love
again, sure that I wouldn’t ever be able to love again.  The scars were all too deep, too bloody.

The blood has dried now, the scars just superficial now and
what do you know, my heart is able to feel again, it is able to love.  But, the fear is still there.

I am so very proud of how far I have come but I know that
the road is long and I have so much farther to go.  Some strong and on my own, some weak and
shared.  All of it with the knowledge
that what the good Lord brought me to He will bring me thru.

So, when the road is dark and I can’t see the way, just take
my hand and tell me it will be ok, even on my weakest day, I’ll get a little
bit stronger