Archive | October, 2013

The Facts of Life

31 Oct

Abraham Lincoln once said,

                “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time.”

This inevitable fact of life was driven home for me earlier this week.  I made the mistake of sharing a blog that I had just written and posted on my blog site for all the world to see on the Facebook feed of a Fat Acceptance group that I was a member of;  yet the crushing blow came not from a nameless, faceless internet troll but from a comrade in arms.  It was the deciding factor in a long and sometimes painful coming of age for me.

I will not rehash the aforementioned blog here (If you want to read it, here is the link to it) I will summarize by saying it involved a night out at a country-western dance club, my wonderful and too damn sexy for his own good boyfriend, me and several girls who made it known throughout the night that I was not good enough for him and that he should be with someone like them because, after all, they were beautiful and I was not.

Upon sharing this blog with my fellow fatties, believing that there would be camaraderie and sisterhood and all that other mumbo jumbo I promptly had a bucket of very cold water dumped on my head as I was informed by a member (and might I add moderator) of this group that I had just devalued my boyfriend by referring to him as a prize to be won.  I want to share with you the conversation that occurred between myself and her and various other members of this group so that you can make a call for yourself;

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Now, if this had been the first time something like this has happened in this group I could have turned the other cheek and rolled my eyes and said ok, whatever; but this was not the first time that something like this has happened and it made me really rethink my involvement in these kinds of groups.  The purpose behind me joining this group was to have a foundation of support in my fight against sizeism yet here I am defending myself and my point of view against someone with the same small mindedness as all the sheep out there just in reverse.  It was, needless to say, a giant slap in the face to come to the final conclusion that this was not a membership that wished to associate myself with any longer.  After all, 9 times out of 10, the members of this group came across as hard core, almost militant feminists so it should have come as no surprise to me that my more traditional, conservative point of views would clash and lead to battles like these, except this was the first time it had led to a battle like this.  In the past, at the slightest hint of conflict I would tuck tail and run not wanting to be the bad guy but this time I had a vested interest in the conflict, after all, it was my personal experience that was being disparaged.

So, since I recognized that I was fighting a losing battle by trying to defend myself in the ensuing comments and since I saw that my foe was the type of person who needed to have the ultimate last word, I made a conscious decision and just stopped.  I made a decision that it was pointless to argue with someone who refused to see the world past the end of their own nose and that any point that I tried to make was just going to be wasted on her.  I copied the comments and promptly deleted myself from this and other drama wrapped groups.

This was the day that I left the Fat Acceptance movement.  I realized that underneath the well meaning cause that these women had taken up was a underlying snarkiness that would never allow them to prevail in this cause because they were, for the most part, unable or unwilling to lay down their selfishness for the better good.  I still believe in everything that I believed in before this day, I just don’t believe in this particular sect of the movement any longer.

I understand now that, like me, most of these women grew up in a society that crapped on them and fed them lies to belittle them, to shove them into a corner, no make them go away.  Most of these women did not have a strong foundation of family and friends to support them in their self discovery and so, now, most of these women haven’t the first clue when it comes to what a healthy, functional relationship really is or how to sustain one once they have found it.  Most all of the women that I have come in contact with during my time in these groups have formed such a wall around themselves that they almost demand complete independence from any outside force, they feel that they are the captain and sole master of their destiny and I’m sorry, but nothing can function if you are unwilling to step back and be weak for just a moment and allow someone else to be strong for you.  Most of these women have convinced themselves that they do not need outside validation but how can that be when it is human nature to crave love and compassion and companionship?   These things go hand in hand with one another.  And while I will agree that “…external factors should not be the sole measure of one’s worth” I also believe that no man is an island and that without those external factors you can not be a completely whole person.

Not everyone that I encountered in these groups were bad, I have come away having met some pretty awesome people but, to quote a line from the prophet Madea,

“Only two places on this earth you’re gonna have peace, your grave and your house. Now if you wake up in your house and you’ve got no peace something is wrong. “


This Time the Fat Girl Won!

28 Oct

Dear girl staring at me wondering what he is doing with me,

Yeah, I see you staring .  I can see the wheels turning in your head as you look me up and dothe time the fat girl wonwn with your judgmental glances as you try to figure out what he is doing with this fat girl when he could so obviously have his choice of any girl in this place.  I know you are staring at him too, trying to catch his attention, trying to flirt with your eyes, trying to nonchalantly suggest to him that he come over and talk with you.  I also know that if I was to look away long enough you would discretely slip him your number and maybe even, not so discretely, give him a little peak at what would be waiting for him.

There was a time when I would be intimidated by you and your obvious lack of class and your flagrant disregard for that ring on a very important finger.  There was a time when I would have backed down and almost handed him over to you with a ribbon on his head.  There was a time when I would have gone home and worried and cried over not being “pretty” enough to make him stay.

Those days are gone.

You see, this tall drink of water that gets to spend the next hour or two as your eye candy, well, he is coming home with me.  That’s right; he IS coming home with me, just like he does every night and has done every night for the last two years.  That is the difference between a man and a boy and make no mistake, just because that buff hunk of masculinity that you fawn all over at the gym may have the body of a Greek god, does not make him a man.  A boy is concerned with appearances and putting on a show to fit in; a man, he is concerned with substance, more than just the vapid dissection of Kanye’s proposal to Kim.  He looks to see who will be a good mother for his children, who will raise them with morals and values, he is concerned with finding someone who will be there with him through thick and thin and not just till the money runs out.

You ask yourself what he sees in me and I will tell you, he sees me.  He sees my heart and my soul; he sees what is under all the pretentiousness and make up and he is mature enough to understand what truly matters at the end of the day.  So, while at one time you and your seemingly flawless perfection would have had me quivering in my flip flops, now it just amuses me.  I get to sit back and have a good laugh with my sexy beau at your expense, secure in the knowledge that stare and flirt as you might you are not even a blip his radar.


This time the fat girl won!

Thanks for Playing Our Game Today!

26 Oct

winnerJust to the west of the city of Ft. Worth there sits the small community of Aledo, Texas.  This close-knit community of less than 1800 people has been embroiled in a controversy these past few weeks centered around the Aledo High School football team.  One would think when they hear this that perhaps the team is playing ineligibleble players or there is a steroids scandal but one would be wrong.  What else could it be you ask?  Well, it seems that the Aledo High School football team wins too much.

You read that right, they win too much, and not only that but they win by large margins.  In fact, every game this season has been a large margin of victory and this unbalance in power is where this story begins.   It’s a typical October Friday night in Texas, the stadium lights are shining bright on the Bearcat Stadium, its Band Parent night and the crowds in the stands are cheering on the undefeated home team.  Opponent Western Hills High from West Ft. Worth is having a bad season so far, having lost all of their games to date but no one expected this kind of blow out.

Coach Buchanan, after scoring an uncontested 28 points in the first quarter of play, makes the decision to pull his first string players and keep the ball on the ground for the rest of the game.  He searches his brain to try and make this a fair fight, doing everything but telling his boys to take a knee.  When the dust had settled Aledo walked away with a 91-0 victory over the Western Hills Cougars, it wasn’t until the next day when it hit the fan.   A lone parent from Western Hills, a Father of one of the players struggling with the words to console his son after the game, files a complaint on the Western Hills HS website alleging that the lopsided victory was, in fact, nothing more than a case of bullying.

This father, and I am sure others who opted to keep silent, wondered why the Aledo coaching staff didn’t ease up when it was so obviously clear that the game was in the bag.  Why did they not have mercy on these boys who were so clearly out of their league.  Despite the fact that support has been overwhelmingly in favor of the Aledo team the controversy has gotten me to thinking about exactly what message we are sending our children.  It occurs to me that there are lists of a words and phrases that are red flagged as trigger words and should one of those words dared to be uttered then we immediately jump to conclusions and cry that the sky is falling.  More often than not we are over sensitized to bullying and the consequences of it.  Don’t get me wrong, I realize that bullying has come a long way from the name calling and snickers of my childhood, with the popularity of social media and the vast array of technology available to our children there is no escaping the reach of the school yard bully.  However, with that said, at some point we need to teach our children to have a thick skin about things.  Do I still get my feelings hurt as a grown woman?  Sure I do but now I have the perspective to know that words are just that and only have the power to do what I give them.  Because of this we have raised a generation of whiny over sensitive people who are so concerned about being fair that they are not concerned about what is right.

In this case, the Aledo football team has worked hard to get where they are, undefeated and surely heading to state championships in the next few weeks.  Is it right to look these boys in the face and tell them that they need to play down to a team that, for all intents and purposes, appears to have not worked as hard which is evidenced by their winless season so far?  Is it right to tell the Western Hills football players that Aledo is just a big bad school yard bully picking on the weak?  At this rate we might as well hand these boys their worthless participation trophies and send them packing off to college unprepared for the injustices that await them in the real world.  Instead of teaching these kids that hard work pays off and that as long as you know you have tried your absolute best then there is nothing to be ashamed of we are telling them that when things don’t go your way all you have to do is pout and cry the loudest about how unfair it is and someone will step up and change the rules halfway through the game.

NEWSFLASH PEOPLE!! Life is not fair, it never has been.  If it was I would have inherited my millions by now and be retired on some mountain top and never have to work another day in my life.  By handling this generation with kid gloves we have done them a major disservice and in turn have performed a disservice to our nation by not preparing the next generation of leaders to make the hard choices when someone will surely have to make them.  When did we stop valuing hard work and how to we start to value it again?