Tag Archives: fat

The Facts of Life

31 Oct

Abraham Lincoln once said,

                “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time.”

This inevitable fact of life was driven home for me earlier this week.  I made the mistake of sharing a blog that I had just written and posted on my blog site for all the world to see on the Facebook feed of a Fat Acceptance group that I was a member of;  yet the crushing blow came not from a nameless, faceless internet troll but from a comrade in arms.  It was the deciding factor in a long and sometimes painful coming of age for me.

I will not rehash the aforementioned blog here (If you want to read it, here is the link to it) I will summarize by saying it involved a night out at a country-western dance club, my wonderful and too damn sexy for his own good boyfriend, me and several girls who made it known throughout the night that I was not good enough for him and that he should be with someone like them because, after all, they were beautiful and I was not.

Upon sharing this blog with my fellow fatties, believing that there would be camaraderie and sisterhood and all that other mumbo jumbo I promptly had a bucket of very cold water dumped on my head as I was informed by a member (and might I add moderator) of this group that I had just devalued my boyfriend by referring to him as a prize to be won.  I want to share with you the conversation that occurred between myself and her and various other members of this group so that you can make a call for yourself;

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Now, if this had been the first time something like this has happened in this group I could have turned the other cheek and rolled my eyes and said ok, whatever; but this was not the first time that something like this has happened and it made me really rethink my involvement in these kinds of groups.  The purpose behind me joining this group was to have a foundation of support in my fight against sizeism yet here I am defending myself and my point of view against someone with the same small mindedness as all the sheep out there just in reverse.  It was, needless to say, a giant slap in the face to come to the final conclusion that this was not a membership that wished to associate myself with any longer.  After all, 9 times out of 10, the members of this group came across as hard core, almost militant feminists so it should have come as no surprise to me that my more traditional, conservative point of views would clash and lead to battles like these, except this was the first time it had led to a battle like this.  In the past, at the slightest hint of conflict I would tuck tail and run not wanting to be the bad guy but this time I had a vested interest in the conflict, after all, it was my personal experience that was being disparaged.

So, since I recognized that I was fighting a losing battle by trying to defend myself in the ensuing comments and since I saw that my foe was the type of person who needed to have the ultimate last word, I made a conscious decision and just stopped.  I made a decision that it was pointless to argue with someone who refused to see the world past the end of their own nose and that any point that I tried to make was just going to be wasted on her.  I copied the comments and promptly deleted myself from this and other drama wrapped groups.

This was the day that I left the Fat Acceptance movement.  I realized that underneath the well meaning cause that these women had taken up was a underlying snarkiness that would never allow them to prevail in this cause because they were, for the most part, unable or unwilling to lay down their selfishness for the better good.  I still believe in everything that I believed in before this day, I just don’t believe in this particular sect of the movement any longer.

I understand now that, like me, most of these women grew up in a society that crapped on them and fed them lies to belittle them, to shove them into a corner, no make them go away.  Most of these women did not have a strong foundation of family and friends to support them in their self discovery and so, now, most of these women haven’t the first clue when it comes to what a healthy, functional relationship really is or how to sustain one once they have found it.  Most all of the women that I have come in contact with during my time in these groups have formed such a wall around themselves that they almost demand complete independence from any outside force, they feel that they are the captain and sole master of their destiny and I’m sorry, but nothing can function if you are unwilling to step back and be weak for just a moment and allow someone else to be strong for you.  Most of these women have convinced themselves that they do not need outside validation but how can that be when it is human nature to crave love and compassion and companionship?   These things go hand in hand with one another.  And while I will agree that “…external factors should not be the sole measure of one’s worth” I also believe that no man is an island and that without those external factors you can not be a completely whole person.

Not everyone that I encountered in these groups were bad, I have come away having met some pretty awesome people but, to quote a line from the prophet Madea,

“Only two places on this earth you’re gonna have peace, your grave and your house. Now if you wake up in your house and you’ve got no peace something is wrong. “

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Your Ass is Looking Especially Cute Tonight

4 Aug

Wow! Has it been that long since I posted anything on here…. I feel somewhat neglectful to the small (but I hope to grow) handful of people who read this blog.  My apologies!

It is a miserably hot Texas Saturday morning outside; inside I am quite comfortable in my wonderful air-conditioned house browsing Pinterest for BBW appreciation posts when I came across one that linked to an article in The Village Voice, a New York newspaper of sorts for all things hip and trendy at the moment.  Guys Who Like Fat Chicks, seems unlikely right, but oh, how wrong you would be.  Three pages into the six page article I was reminded of something that my wonderfully sexy boyfriend, Brian, said to me last night as we walked in the door from work.

“Your ass is looking especially cute tonight”

As usual, this was met with the typical , “whatever”, but as I read the stories of guys from all different walks of life who, like my man, are Fat Admirers, I am reminded that “whatever” was not the appropriate response to a comment like that.

For all of my portrayed strength and poise, there is still a frightened girl inside of me that pops up every now and then.  You know the girl, the one who never thought any of this would ever happen for her, that she was of no value in this world simply because she is FAT!  We all know her intimately, no matter how far we have come in our struggle to find our worth, she is always buried somewhere waiting to wreak havoc on our self – esteem.

Recently, I watched Katt Williams on Comedy Central (I taped the uncensored version that came on at 2am so as to not give myself a headache from all the beeped out words) and he made a comment that I had never paid much attention to until now.  He asked how a man (or presumably anyone else for that matter) could affect your self-esteem, it is “esteem of self” after all but I say to that, damn easy.  A person’s self-esteem is formed from what she sees when she looks around her and is told that what she is is ugly, whether that be a body with rolls or a little black girl with the kinky hair, a person can only believe she is beautiful so long when all around her she is told otherwise.

In my search today for all things bbw empowering I was reminded of my self-worth again, and that modesty (at least when it comes to my shape) should not be tolerated.  I am reminded that the next time my boyfriend looks at me and says, ‘nice ass’ the appropriate answer is not “whatever” but instead should be a wide grin and a ‘isn’t it though’.

My motto for today is one that I found on a HAES poster, “I stand for making sure that every little fat girl knows how beautiful she is, and that someday, she too will have a smokin’ hot husband!”

The High Cost of Being Fat

1 May

Here they go again!  Another study, funded by who knows who, has found that the increasing waistline has affected the pocketbooks in more places than just health care.  In an article posted yesterday on Yahoo (http://finance.yahoo.com/news/americas-waistline-expands-costs-soar-100758490–sector.html), The Campaign to End Obesity, claims that not only does obesity make our healthcare cost soar but apparently we are now to blame for the high cost of gas, the low pay rates for workers and the exorbitant cost of a baseball ticket.

Yes folks, you may not have known it but being fat makes the cost of a Yankee’s ticket more.  But, how can that be, you ask!  Well, it seems that because the stadium installs seats that are 2 inches wider than the old seats us fat people can be blamed since not only are the new seats expensive to install but they can’t get as many into Yankee Stadium as before so they have to reap their losses from somewhere!

But wait! There’s more!  It seems that officials (who ever they are) had been hoping that because we are fat that we would die off earlier and not be such a drain on the system by collecting Medicare or that pesky Social Security.  Makes sense right!  I mean, if being obese basically predisposes you for Diabetes and High Blood Pressure and Heart Disease then we should be dropping like flies at an early age (and since the number of obese people in this country is ranging around 36% we should be dropping in masses too).  Problem is, according to health economists from Duke University, “… mortality isn’t that much higher among the obese.”

That’s right folks!  Us fatties out there just won’t die!

Maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t that sort of blow holes in their theory that obesity equals a death sentence?  Let me blow some more holes in there while I am at it.

New Jersey Transit officials have ordered new train cars that have seats that are 2.2″ wider than existing train cars but while they were at it they went ahead and ordered double Decker train cars so they could cram a few more people into that morning commute.  More passengers on the train (no matter their weight) equals….you guessed it! more weight!  By their own logic, more weight means that more fuel is burned and therefore we will use more fuel than we have in years past.

Oh, by the way, since 1970, the US population has grown by about one million people.  Isn’t it possible that this plays a role in the that extra 938 million gallons of gas we are consuming?

Is there a line to be drawn?

Sure, not every obese person is healthy just like not every obese person is unhealthy.  Someone who weighs 700 pounds is surely going to have some health limitations.

Does anyone out there really want to be 700 pounds?  Probably not.

Are we a nation of lazy people ?  Of course!  There is no doubt about that in my mind.

But is it fair to vilify all fat people just because they are fat?  Absolutely not!

There has to be a scapegoat for every set of circumstances and it seems that fat is where its at.  For whatever reason we get to play the Wicked Witch of the West to the “normal” folks Dorothy.

Oh, just as a side note, the same study found that obese people, women in particular, were less likely to be hired or promoted in jobs than their skinny counterparts.

Newsflash!  If I was conducting a survey and I interviewed employers and they admitted to me that they had not hired people because of their weight I would be calling the EEOC because, last time I checked, that was illegal.

But, that’s just me 🙂

“SWM ISO No Fat Chicks”

11 Oct

It never fails to amaze me at the shallowness of the human race.  I understand that there needs to be a physical attraction, I get that because there are people out there that reply to my personal ads that I am not attracted to but how can you even attempt to find significant, long-term, supportive love based upon the superficial.

All these people out there claim that they are looking for love and companionship or they are looking for someone to care about them, someone celebrate successes with and to love them even when they fail, someone to be their best friend.  In reality what they are looking for is someone to be arm candy and for sexual gratification.

Pardon me if I sound slightly bitter its just that I get so tired of seeing that dreaded line in every flipping personal ad… no bbw… no fat chicks… hwp…   Just because someone doesn’t fit neatly into this little package doesn’t mean that its wrong.  The old adage “don’t judge a book by its cover” comes to mind.

If you find someone who fits every thing that you say you are looking for but they don’t look exactly like you expected that they would, don’t rule them out just yet, you will never know what you are missing out on by not opening your eyes and really seeing what is standing right in front of you.

19 Aug

I’m always happy when I find new curvy-positive blogs and sites, places that we can turn to find the support system that many of us need to continue to hold our heads up high and rock our sexy, voluptuous bodies.  Even the most confident women out there has her share of days where she doesn’t feel so confident.

I must do some page pimping right now since I have found a new blog that I really love.  I am still pretty new to the whole word press thing and so I was trying to find some sister blogs last night that I could add to my blog roll and maybe some places I could turn to for inspiration and that boost when I need it.  That place came in the form of The Curvy Girl Revolution (http://curvygirlrevolution.com/)

It’s a simple place, lots of video clips of interviews and what I love the most is the abundance of pics.  Curvy girls of the world unite! Ms. Eves has found and posted some of the most beautiful curvy women I have ever seen flaunt their stuff.  It’s always wonderful to see real women (and not the women that some “plus size” places tell us are real) willing to bare it all, rolls included.

I encourage you to check it out and see what it’s all about! Just remember my lovelies!!

XOXO

-Jen

 

Enlightenment

16 Aug

orig. published 5/30/11

I’d
like to pose this question to everyone out there but especially the guys
online.

Last
night I posted an online dating ad on craigslist.  Now, granted, I realize that
its craigslist but you never know.  I didn’t really think that I would find
anyone serious online but I figured a date or two couldn’t hurt.  I started my
ad with the following line,

“I am a beautiful, sweet, caring, passionate,
opinionated 31 year old woman”

Now, I have
been on craigslist before so I am not new to this game and I got several
responses, most of them nice.  But there were two guys who went out of their way
to be an ass.  I’ll quote:

“I don’t think your beautiful at
all…. take that word out”

“YOUR WEAKNESS IS PIES CAKES &
TWINKIES YOU’LL EAT AND
FUCK ANYTHING THAT SAY YES.  YEAH I’M A
DICK BUT
I AM NOT WRING AM I ?”

Now, everyone is a
entitled to an opinion and I can’t blame someone for feeling the way that they
do, hell, there are guys online that I see and think ‘you are not attractive’
but I never feel the need to respond to them and say as
such.

So, here is my question, why go to the trouble?  Why
respond and tell someone that they you don’t think they are beautiful, why take
the time to attempt to degrade someone?  What do you get out of it?  Its not
going to get all the fat girls off of the face of the earth and certainly not
off of the dating sites so why do it?

**Oh…btw, I didn’t misspell wrong, that was a copy and
paste from the actual email, hey, I didn’t say they were smart assholes,
lol**

Introduction to The Fat Files

16 Aug

The last acceptable discrimination in this world is hardly the phrase to
describe size ism, just today I found and shared four different articles from
yahoo on my face book alone that touched on the topic of weight and society.
Ninety years ago it was appropriate behaviour to discriminate against African
Americans, maybe sixty or seventy years before that it was the Native Americans,
over the years numerous groups have faced this same adversity and one would have
thought that after years of bigotry and hate that we would have evolved as a
civilization enough to realize that our differences are what make us great…one
would have thought wrong.  The only true difference between then and now is that
then the persecutors wore white robes and covered their faces or carried
bayonets and slaughtered hundreds of innocent people for just being different
and now we get to read about how disgusting we are on a daily basis thanks to
the world wide web.  Thank God today we have laws and have at least advanced in
our civilization, for the most part, to prevent this type of senseless killings,
and when they do happen, again for the most part, justice is served.  I could
never imagine having to live in that kind of fear for just wanting a drink of
water from a water fountain and thankfully I never will.
In the renaissance
plump woman were considered beautiful and earthy, it was a sign of wealth and
status, today however it is a sign of gluttony and laziness to most and yes, in
some cases this may be so, but for the vast majority of obese people our weight
has been something that we have struggled with for years, maybe even most of our
lives, it was not a choice that we made, any more than one can chose to be black
or white, tall or short.  There are numerous reasons for obesity and even more
“cures” for it.  It seems like everyone has an opinion on the topic and everyone
has a solution for it, but if that were the case then why is it still an
“epidemic”?  Personally I have tried probably every diet under the sun, the
grapefruit diet, the cabbage soup diet, Atkins, Weight Watchers, Over eaters
Anonymous, you name it and I have probably done it.
At my heaviest I was
350 lbs, I have yo-yo’d up and down countless times, losing 10 lbs here 20 lbs
there always concerned with what I looked like and not with my health.  I spent
most of my adolescence trying to blend into the crowd and most of my twenties
ashamed of myself.  I took offense to every little thing, I was needless to say,
not comfortable in my skin.  If appearances are all that matter to you then by
that standard I am a slob, I made a conscious decision about 5 years ago that I
would no longer be obsessed with my appearance, that I, as a person, was so much
more than just a face in the crowd.  With this new acceptance of myself I found
a confidence that I had never before knew I had, I was no longer the fat kid on
the playground hiding from my tormentors I was now a proud, confidant, beautiful
woman, the kind of woman that I had always wanted to be growing up but had no
role models to base it on.
In this blog I hope to enlighten those who feel
disgusted or irritated by our existence and empower those of us who have been
bullied and beaten down by the media and society and the narrow minded,
unrealistic stereotype that is projected upon us from such an early age.  I plan
to write on such injustices as the lack of appropriate role models for all, not
just the heavy, why it seems that because we are fat we are only allotted
Pancho’s and mumus to wear, where in the heck did we come up with these names we
call each other, why do we assume that heavy people are unhealthy and skinny
people are and more.  I hope to open eyes and hearts, I hope to open minds.  I
am not naive enough to think that I will change the world with this blog but I
hope to maybe touch just one person and maybe that one person can touch another
person.  To me, if just one person sees that we are sooo much more than just our
physical form then to me that is enough.