Tag Archives: sex

Shades of Grey

18 Feb

I am so over hearing about what a horrible risk the 50 Shades of Grey movie is for the values of America and how God is going to smite me if I go see this depraved, women hating perversion of a movie. Let me just preface this as saying that I have not seen the movie, nor do I plan to while it is in the theaters because, A, the movies are never as good as the books50-shades-of-grey-sortie-soiree-paris-sadomasochiste are and I just don’t want to ruin it for myself and, B, I refuse to pay that much to see a movie anymore. However, I have read the books so I am not like most of the people who are commenting on this topic without any frame of reference.  Let me also preface this by saying that I am a survivor of rape and domestic violence so the subject of both is particularly sensitive to me.
50 Shades of Grey is NOT the second coming of the Antichrist. It is not a violence laden book written to exploit women or to glorify rape or non-consensual sex. It is a story of a young couple who participates in premarital sexual relations, something that regardless of whether it is right or wrong goes on thousands of times a day every day in this world. It is a story of a women who loses her virginity to a man who enjoys having control. It is a story of a womans sexual awaking, her personal sexual revolution if you will, her discovery of what pleasures her and what she finds enjoyment in. She enters into this arrangement fully aware of her choices and the consequences of them.
Now, I am not an expert on the BDSM lifestyle although I do know a little about it. I know that there are people in the BDSM community who detest this movie and the books because it is not an accurate depiction of the lifestyle. This may be completely true, I’ve never known of any Dom/Sub that actually went through with a legally binding contract like Christian and Ana do in the story. What I do know is that true BDSM is never abuse; it is always consenting and everyone that I have ever had the chance of meeting from within this community goes to great strides to ensure the safety and enjoyment of all involved. If the truth be told, although the person in the submissive role has chosen to enter this role on their own it is the submissive who holds the control of the situation at all times, with a simple word or gesture all play can and does come to an end until the submissive is again comfortable with the situation.
Today, I read an article on line in which Olympian Lolo Jones goes to great strides to blast the film and books as well as members of the BDSM lifestyle. I applaud Ms. Jones for having the moral fortitude to remain a virgin in this day and time but for her to take to social media and basically shame an entire group of people, well, way to not cast the first stone there. She is quoted from her Twitter feed as having said, “…God didn’t create sex for that purpose…”. Ok, so since you and God are on a daily speaking scheduled, what did he create sex for? Procreation would be the standard answer and yes, you would be correct, it was created for procreation but I somehow doubt that the Lord created this act expecting us to never find some pleasure in it, otherwise our bodies would not have been designed to experience an orgasm. So, my thought process is that if he created us to feel orgasms and planned for us to enjoy the act of sex then why would he frown upon our exploration of such an act and what brings us pleasure?
There is nothing wrong with basic “vanilla” sex and if this is what you enjoy then bravo, however, there is also absolutely nothing wrong with exploring all avenues of sex, weather it be the addition of watching a porn video as foreplay to adding a few toys to the mix to exploring your darker side with some role playing or a little bondage. If you discover though the course of this exploration that something does not tickle your fancy then there is no harm in having found out but to go your entire life wondering what it would be like to experience something and then miss out on the chance to discover something that would bring you some pleasure, well, that to me is a travesty.
Basically, what it boils down to is what happens between two consenting adults in the privacy of their home (or in an accepting safe environment) is between them and no one else. It is never anyone’s place to pass judgment on what someone decides to do, even if it is something that you yourself find abhorrent. There is but one judge in this world and he died on a cross some 2000 years ago so until you learn how to walk on water keep your sanctimony and your hands to yourself.

I am going to become a nun, its easier than dating…

16 Aug

orig. published 3/20/11

So, this week I took a chance and sent a response to a personals ad.  Well,
this isn’t really a risk for me, I respond to them from time to time if one
catches my interest and this one caught my attention.  My brother happened to be
in town so I didn’t have much time to talk to this guy or anything till this
weekend.  We sent a few emails and IM’s over a couple of days, nothing really
big, in fact I was starting to get a little irritated b/c the IM’s always ended
up being like one message and then nothing.  The big risk came tonight, we
exchanged a couple of IM’s and then he asked if I wanted to chat on the phone, I
had his number so I gave him a call while I was driving home from Walmart.  We
only talked for about 15 or 20 mins. and that was plenty enough.  In the course
of the conversation we went from “Wow, I just have to say how beautiful you are”
to “Do you want to come over?” to “What positions do you like?”

Now, I realize that I have had a slightly sketchy past when it comes to
relationships but I would like to think that I have come a long way in the last
few years, and at least this one had the 3 big ones (a car, a job and an
apartment) but it left me wondering if I just attract this kind of guy?  You
know the one, all he thinks about is sex and when he is gonna get it and what he
has to say to get it.  It makes to really hard to trust that a guy is being
sincere when the conversation is all about what he has to do to get me into
bed.

I realize that sex is an important component to a relationship but not on the
first conversation, hell not even the second one either.  First conversations
are “What kind of music do you like?” “What is your favorite movies?” “What do
you do for fun?” stuff like that, not “Would you like me to whisper sweet things
in your ear while I am inside you?”

I can’t believe that it is this hard to find a man, not a boy, but a man.  I
would like to think that I am worthy of at least the respect of someone to not
ask me in the first 10 minutes of the first conversation if I shave or not.  I
may not be girly but I am a lady dang it.

So, I am left wondering how long it will take before I just totally swear off
men all together.  Why is it so hard to find a quality man in this world?