Tag Archives: sizeism

The Facts of Life

31 Oct

Abraham Lincoln once said,

                “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time.”

This inevitable fact of life was driven home for me earlier this week.  I made the mistake of sharing a blog that I had just written and posted on my blog site for all the world to see on the Facebook feed of a Fat Acceptance group that I was a member of;  yet the crushing blow came not from a nameless, faceless internet troll but from a comrade in arms.  It was the deciding factor in a long and sometimes painful coming of age for me.

I will not rehash the aforementioned blog here (If you want to read it, here is the link to it) I will summarize by saying it involved a night out at a country-western dance club, my wonderful and too damn sexy for his own good boyfriend, me and several girls who made it known throughout the night that I was not good enough for him and that he should be with someone like them because, after all, they were beautiful and I was not.

Upon sharing this blog with my fellow fatties, believing that there would be camaraderie and sisterhood and all that other mumbo jumbo I promptly had a bucket of very cold water dumped on my head as I was informed by a member (and might I add moderator) of this group that I had just devalued my boyfriend by referring to him as a prize to be won.  I want to share with you the conversation that occurred between myself and her and various other members of this group so that you can make a call for yourself;

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Now, if this had been the first time something like this has happened in this group I could have turned the other cheek and rolled my eyes and said ok, whatever; but this was not the first time that something like this has happened and it made me really rethink my involvement in these kinds of groups.  The purpose behind me joining this group was to have a foundation of support in my fight against sizeism yet here I am defending myself and my point of view against someone with the same small mindedness as all the sheep out there just in reverse.  It was, needless to say, a giant slap in the face to come to the final conclusion that this was not a membership that wished to associate myself with any longer.  After all, 9 times out of 10, the members of this group came across as hard core, almost militant feminists so it should have come as no surprise to me that my more traditional, conservative point of views would clash and lead to battles like these, except this was the first time it had led to a battle like this.  In the past, at the slightest hint of conflict I would tuck tail and run not wanting to be the bad guy but this time I had a vested interest in the conflict, after all, it was my personal experience that was being disparaged.

So, since I recognized that I was fighting a losing battle by trying to defend myself in the ensuing comments and since I saw that my foe was the type of person who needed to have the ultimate last word, I made a conscious decision and just stopped.  I made a decision that it was pointless to argue with someone who refused to see the world past the end of their own nose and that any point that I tried to make was just going to be wasted on her.  I copied the comments and promptly deleted myself from this and other drama wrapped groups.

This was the day that I left the Fat Acceptance movement.  I realized that underneath the well meaning cause that these women had taken up was a underlying snarkiness that would never allow them to prevail in this cause because they were, for the most part, unable or unwilling to lay down their selfishness for the better good.  I still believe in everything that I believed in before this day, I just don’t believe in this particular sect of the movement any longer.

I understand now that, like me, most of these women grew up in a society that crapped on them and fed them lies to belittle them, to shove them into a corner, no make them go away.  Most of these women did not have a strong foundation of family and friends to support them in their self discovery and so, now, most of these women haven’t the first clue when it comes to what a healthy, functional relationship really is or how to sustain one once they have found it.  Most all of the women that I have come in contact with during my time in these groups have formed such a wall around themselves that they almost demand complete independence from any outside force, they feel that they are the captain and sole master of their destiny and I’m sorry, but nothing can function if you are unwilling to step back and be weak for just a moment and allow someone else to be strong for you.  Most of these women have convinced themselves that they do not need outside validation but how can that be when it is human nature to crave love and compassion and companionship?   These things go hand in hand with one another.  And while I will agree that “…external factors should not be the sole measure of one’s worth” I also believe that no man is an island and that without those external factors you can not be a completely whole person.

Not everyone that I encountered in these groups were bad, I have come away having met some pretty awesome people but, to quote a line from the prophet Madea,

“Only two places on this earth you’re gonna have peace, your grave and your house. Now if you wake up in your house and you’ve got no peace something is wrong. “

Support Beauty for All

29 Feb

I know I’ve talked about this before but its been frustrating the hell out of the more than ever in the last couple of months.  Why is it so freaking hard to find cute clothes?

Sure, sure, I don’t have a problem finding clothes to wear anymore, I mean, chances are that there is a Lane Bryant or an Avenue or even as a last-ditch effort, a Wal-Mart, near where ever I happen to be but just being able to find clothes isn’t enough! I want to find CUTE clothes!

By nature, I am a country girl at heart, so I love a good pair of blue jeans and a comfy shirt and sure I can go to Lane Bryant and pick me up a pair of their outrageously priced $70 jeans that fit in all the right places (at least as much as all the right places can be without having them altered by the dry cleaner down the street).  A pair of jeans is a pair of jeans to me.

I want this shirt right here!  And lots of shirts just like this one, different colors, different designs.  Some long sleeve, some short sleeve, some sleeveless.  This is my style.  This particular shirt comes from a division of Panhandle Slim called Rock and Roll Cowgirl; usually you can find these (along with similar brands like Miss Me Jeans, Wrangler, Rock 47 – another Wrangler brand – and Ariat) at a local Sheplers or Cavenders.  I tend to avoid these stores, they depress me.  I can walk into a Sheplers in the best mood, good self-esteem and within five minutes I am ready to commit myself.  I do look at stores like these, in the off-chance that I might be able to pull off the look with something I find at my usual haunts; usually it doesn’t work all that well.

As if it’s not bad enough that they don’t carry “extended sizes” the sizes they do have run way smaller so even if you could normally wear an XL you can’t in these brands.  I am relegated to the men’s department at the Goodwill to find loose button down plaid shirts to wear in an attempt to look country.

What is so wrong with making clothes, ALL CLOTHES, in ALL SIZES?!?!  If I choose to wear something that looks truly horrible on me then that is my choice to do so!  It doesn’t affect anyone any more than say some random skinny girl walking around with her butt hanging out the bottom of her shorts and her midriff showing.  I have enough self-respect (and I speak for most of us fat chicks out there) not to wear something that is going to embarrass me to wear (ie, walking out of the house dressed like Pamela Anderson.)  But I deserve to have the option instead of designers and retailers telling me I have to wear oversized Disney tee shirts and tops that look like they were designed for my grandmother because that’s the only thing they want to see me in.

Well, it’s not the only thing I want to see ME in!  I say we are not going to take it anymore!  It is time to stand up and say we deserve to look beautiful too!  We are not going anywhere people! So get used to it!  I am taking a stand! Join me at http://www.causes.com/causes/655170-support-beauty-for-all/actions and spread the word.  This sort of stuff works all the time for other causes so I believe it can for us to!  Its time to tell fashion that we are not going to swept under the proverbial rug – we deserve to look beautiful too!